“I brought my husband out to lunch to celebrate his birthday. Instead of going to our usual spot, we ventured across town to try a new place. Once seated, instead of having lighthearted conversation about our plans for the remainder of the weekend, my mind wandered.
‘So…have you talked to Chris (our 16 year old son) about all that’s going on?”
“All that’s going on” would be the current state of America for brown people. This was my first 1:1, uninterrupted conversation with my husband in a few days, and yes, this was important to discuss.
Our conversation then went down many streets as we talked and our food became cool. There was an older white woman sitting at the table behind us. I noticed her glance over her shoulder a few times as I spoke to Derrick. Because of the neighborhood we were in, I immediately thought, ‘Oh – I bet she’s annoyed by our conversation!’ 😒
When she finished her meal, she walked over to our table and stood over us. I immediately became defensive.
With tears in her eyes, she said (and I’m paraphrasing here):
‘This may be odd for you to hear…but I would like to tell you both something. I’m worried about what’s going on and I want to apologize to you because I’ve never “felt enough” to do anything about it until now.’
Derrick then said: ‘Have a seat!’
For the next 20 mins, Jane, Derrick and I discussed the current state of America, why we as brown people fear for our own lives as well as the lives of our children, and how bad she feels for not “feeling angry” sooner.
During our conversation, we talked about the vicious cycle of racism and oppression and she expressed the desire to help in some way.
Derrick and I told her that by taking the first step to come to speak to us, she was already going in the right direction.
We were the right ones for her to have that conversation with and vice versa.
No one has all of the answers.
No one has all of “the right words.”
What we DO all have, are FEELINGS.
If you let your heart lead you, there is no telling what kind of difference you’ll make.
Jane Fryer put a smile on our faces today and we are glad that she approached us”
Credit – Dekeda Brown